Two months pass, and you’ve come to expect to hear certain voices you now well recognize calling out your name from a distance whenever you venture outside. Standing in line at the pharmacy. Walking through a mall. In Costco. At a city park. Wherever.
Going outside the house becomes a matter for trepidation. You seethe with anger and resentment at the fact that someone – something? – is inhibiting you, closing you down, making you fearful. But fearful of what? Inhibited for what reason? You don’t know how to think about this phenomenon, which feels very personal, very cruel, and very well planned.
Worst of all, you live with someone who does NOT experience it. By and large, when the two of you are out together, you do NOT hear anyone calling out your name. This "special behavior" clearly is intended just for you, lucky you.
At times you find yourself thinking what you know anyone else would think if you told them what you experience: This cannot be real. The voices must be in your head. You scamper to the Internet and spend hours reading about delusional psychosis and schizophrenia.
Almost immediately, you recognize that the symptoms of those mental afflictions do NOT mirror anything you are experiencing. You are wholly, utterly, connected with reality. You are aware of, and engaged in, every aspect of your life. You have no other type of hallucinations, and you don't hear anyone telling you to DO anything. They just want to make sure you know they are out there, fuckin' with ya.
Plus, it does not FEEL like it’s in your head, since the voices come to you directionally, and occur only under certain circumstances. For example, you never hear your name being called out immediately when you arrive somewhere. There always is a lag of five to 10 minutes.
Once, at the airport, in a crowded terminal, you sit waiting for your guests for more than an hour, and not once do you hear a voice sounding like your name being called out. Rather than feel relief, you feel greater dread, as the experience only confirms that you are being stalked, not deluded. For once the motherfuckers screwed up and simply couldn't find you in the crowd. But as months turn to years, you marvel at how seldom that ever happens.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Calling Your Name on Aisle 11
You discover you are out of a few ingredients for tonight’s dinner. So you pop in the car and head to the nearest grocery store.
Standing in the produce aisle about 30 feet inside the store, selecting a ripe bell pepper, in the distance (out in the parking lot obviously) you hear the sharp, short chirp of your name being called. Same male voice you heard earlier in the day, but this time with an angry tone. You shrug it off, thinking, “No way. Impossible,” as you look around and inventory how many other people are in your vicinity.
Two aisles over, you hear the man again, calling out your name. This time, he’s clearly in the store, a few aisles away. But who, and where? And of course, how could you ever know?
Quickly, you rush toward the front of the store to get a quick look around. You enter the checkout aisle with a rush of fear and anxiety, wondering what the fuck is happening. Who is doing this? And where is the motherfucker? You try to imagine what a person would look like who fits the voice.
But you come up with nothing. Driving back home, you'll wrack your brain trying to understand why this would be happening. But you could never know, or figure out, who the fuck decided to come to the grocery store to harass you anonymously. And that is exactly why this is happening to you.
Welcome to the gang stalker’s lair. You’re in the zone… more than you realize. You are the target, and most likely have been for quite some time. They just now decided to start messin with ya.
Standing in the produce aisle about 30 feet inside the store, selecting a ripe bell pepper, in the distance (out in the parking lot obviously) you hear the sharp, short chirp of your name being called. Same male voice you heard earlier in the day, but this time with an angry tone. You shrug it off, thinking, “No way. Impossible,” as you look around and inventory how many other people are in your vicinity.
Two aisles over, you hear the man again, calling out your name. This time, he’s clearly in the store, a few aisles away. But who, and where? And of course, how could you ever know?
Quickly, you rush toward the front of the store to get a quick look around. You enter the checkout aisle with a rush of fear and anxiety, wondering what the fuck is happening. Who is doing this? And where is the motherfucker? You try to imagine what a person would look like who fits the voice.
But you come up with nothing. Driving back home, you'll wrack your brain trying to understand why this would be happening. But you could never know, or figure out, who the fuck decided to come to the grocery store to harass you anonymously. And that is exactly why this is happening to you.
Welcome to the gang stalker’s lair. You’re in the zone… more than you realize. You are the target, and most likely have been for quite some time. They just now decided to start messin with ya.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Something's In the Air
It’s a sunny spring afternoon, and your Lab seems restless, so you decide to take him to the dog park. You pop his leash on and head out the door, up the hilly streets of your neighborhood and toward the park. Before you havee crossed two blocks, you think you hear someone call out your name from behind you. Except it’s not the name you use now, but the more informal name you used growing up. Strange, you think – not too many folks in this part of the world know you by that name.
Arriving at the dog park, you hear the same male voice again call out your name. This time it seems to come from further away, yet is more of a short yell. At any rate, it’s clear to you that someone has called out your not-so-common name twice in the 10 minutes you’ve been outside.
You run through the list of suspects, but not one person comes to mind. Your partner is at work, and of course he would not be calling out your name from a distance twice within blocks of your house anyway. You’re fairly new in town, and know few other people except for the neighbors, none of whom are home anyway.
And then it hits you again – no one except your partner even knows you go by this name. Just then, you hear it again, but this time it’s a female voice calling to you. Two minutes later, she calls again, but of course you can’t see anyone off in the distance where yoou imagine the voice to have originated.
By the time you finish your walk to the dog park, you count more than 20 shout-outs, and yet you can’t identify a suspect. Who are these stealthy stalkers? Is this all in my head, you wonder? How could it NOT be? Who would do a thing like this?
Arriving at the dog park, you hear the same male voice again call out your name. This time it seems to come from further away, yet is more of a short yell. At any rate, it’s clear to you that someone has called out your not-so-common name twice in the 10 minutes you’ve been outside.
You run through the list of suspects, but not one person comes to mind. Your partner is at work, and of course he would not be calling out your name from a distance twice within blocks of your house anyway. You’re fairly new in town, and know few other people except for the neighbors, none of whom are home anyway.
And then it hits you again – no one except your partner even knows you go by this name. Just then, you hear it again, but this time it’s a female voice calling to you. Two minutes later, she calls again, but of course you can’t see anyone off in the distance where yoou imagine the voice to have originated.
By the time you finish your walk to the dog park, you count more than 20 shout-outs, and yet you can’t identify a suspect. Who are these stealthy stalkers? Is this all in my head, you wonder? How could it NOT be? Who would do a thing like this?
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